BLOGS
MY MENTAL JOURNAL
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The Power of Presence: Learning to enjoy the space you're in, free from worry.
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Breaking the Cycle: How to overcome the "pain body" and find mental clarity.
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Your Therapy: Why golf, meditation, and therapy are vital tools for the journey.
KNOCK KNOCK
I received a knock on my door this morning from the grim reaper. I got in the shower & collapsed reminding me that no matter how hard i fight my demons they are always on my tail. Don't let your medical health control you as getting a single bus ticket often leads to misery. Remember planning is important but not to the extent of thinking too far into the future!
DELVE A LITTLE DEEPER
This website should refresh your memory & create the motivation you need to take hold of your life & fix any bug bears you may have regarding mental health. Whether it's your own health or a loved one. Look no further, help is at hand!
MANCHESTER MARATHON
Congratulations to all those who took part in the Manchester Marathon. Many of us sit there by our windows thinking, i wish i could do that. The fact is we can all do it if we are all in the right state of mind. City life, economic pressure & the cost of living drive our decisions to fulfill our goals. As we have to envy the endurance & motivation of the competitors we must also appreciate the ones who are less fortunate than ourselves. I don't just mean the sufferers of mental health conditions, i am talking here about the unfortunate ones who suffer from mental & physical disabilities. I am one of the fortunate people who work with these individuals & my humble pie gets tastier every minute as their resolve & attitude goes beyond what us mere mortals endure. I do however want to raise some awareness which will in fact make their lives more fulfilling. I you happen to see any of the mentioned out & about please, just say Hi as that one action makes all the difference. This last sentence is not a sermon, just a realisation to us all that when things are not going your way for whatever reason. Are things really that bad?
ECO VERSUS EGO
This post will drain you so if you get bored easily then please say goodbye now. I am not a politician or a public figure, I am just a person trying to live amongst everybody else. This post is not meant as a cry for help or a request for peace. It is the realisation that for every step forward there is two steps back. I started my website journey in March 2020 with no capital & my only income comes from my humble 9 to 5 job which is the case for 75% of the British population. If you are one of the 75% then my heart goes out to you as being dealt any hand in this rat race is normally one of pain & discomfort. I have learned to deal with the fact that being financially stable is a dream that will never be a reality but living without pain or anxiety is not only a blessing but a gift from myself for knowledge through pain & suffering. On a more positive note, the website 50left.com has given me confidence in the journey I am on & steps I am taking to improve my life whilst giving to those that need it. This brings me to the journey itself as the result is often the talking point of all those outsiders looking in. If you live life in the present moment then the understanding of the journey itself should be one of peace & acceptance. If you are confused about the journey itself it is not a criticism & falling under the spell of our ego's game of life is to be expected. With the state of the economy & most of us happy when at least we have food on the table but not much for anything else. This is followed by over dramatising, leading to disdain & then we compare what materialistic things we have or want in comparison to our neighbour or friend. This is poisonous but inevitable as we are pushed to our limits as we can only take so much before we snap. Social media has become the heart of focus as it acts as a mask of who we are & what we stand for but for me it is only a way of transmitting my story, It is also a way for egotistical people to rank themselves above others & talk themselves up to further bolster their place in society but must it come to this to be recognised in society. I am at the point that i can look back at my life with happiness & hope, knowing that i do have wealth but only the wealth of knowledge through heartache often brought on through mental wellness & stress related issues. Life is a learning curve & being on this path has taught me many things about the internet & who we can trust and who we cannot. I have spent multiple thousands of pounds along this journey in the hope that i will receive a little back but i have had two stores for over 3 years & not one sale has been made as the beneficiaries are only Google & many more i do not want to mention. Lets not beat around the bush here, all the advertisers on social media are advertising to make money for themselves as our financial disposition is not their concern. I am not saying none of the are genuine but i am saying the ones who have a life of Reilly do not need to advertise. Like social media, we use SEO (search engine optimisation) to drive us forward to rank number one in Google listing but who is the only one benefitting.... YES YOU GOT IT!!!! If you are thinking of quitting your daytime job to be an entrepreneur, then please research it first as capital funds are what will bring the business to your doorstep & not hard work, honesty & integrity. I am extremely lucky to have experienced what i have in life & to have the job that i have makes me humble but not disillusioned. If you want to be successful then remember, if it is not your life's mission then no amount of hard work & discipline will change that. I hope my ex-developer who hacked my account last week reads this & understands the steps i have taken to get this far without a silver spoon. Thanks to all my followers, friends & relatives & my wife April & Charlie my doggy to ensure my journey is one of comfort. Thanks....
NOT A ONE TRICK PONY
The alternative to meditation is of course mindfulness. The term mindfulness is far cry from what it actually means. I say this because what we are trying to achieve here is the opposite. The person who suffers from anxiety has a mind full of negativity. Many people who hear the word meditation normally conjure up a person sat in a field cross legged, eyes closed & in a trance uttering the words "Peace man". This is in fact not too far from the truth but it takes much practice to find that level of clarity but a few minutes of time by yourself without a care in the world is often sufficient for mortal people to accept....................... There are other forms of clarity but none which are as easy & as equally fulfilling as mindfulness. With this we give everything we do thought & feeling. What i mean here is, even washing your hands can be beautiful, feeling the water running through your hands & the sensations of the towel on your face is practicing mindfulness. You can of course perform this task whilst worrying about what bills need paying or what problems you will encounter at work. Do not get me wrong, it may sound like, all you are doing is delaying the inevitable, but what's important here is the journey & not the destination. I have spent most of my adult life worrying about the outcome of every potential problem that i have ever faced. When i look back at these i realise , most of them never turned out the way i thought they would. There was always a sense of dread & humiliation but now that negativity is not part of my arsenal, it now belongs in my past. I am not articulate or clever but i do have experience in the field of life. For anyone who has suffered anxiety in their lifetime can agree that it does in fact shorten your lifespan as you are forever trying to rush through everything. I have found clarity in doing very little & thinking even less. A famous quote from my beloved sister was, " After all these years I can finally drop the frying pan that i have been beating myself over the head with." There is hope & its not too far away.....
NO RETREAT, NO SURRENDER
What is the point of no return?Who decides that enough is enough if it's not the watcher. Do we continue the journey of suffering in the face of adversity or do we just switch off. To switch off primarily is another word for resigning. This of course has permutations in itself & normally means that you can no longer proceed on the same path with fear of absolute failure. A sense of embarrassment would normally suffice as the ability to make decisions is questioned by yourself which puts your personality & ego in jeopardy. Mental health has limits to which you must follow in order to keep a lid on your daily routines. Without this sense of order, confusion & self pity are in abundance. With this we become a snowball rolling down a hill forever growing in size & momentum but that is not the only answer. We can learn to kick this habit through knowledge & self help using mindfulness. To preach about mindfulness techniques is something which i have done regularly to those who are suffering from not just anxiety & depression but also to those who are in deep sorrow or great pain. When i look back at myself all I have is admiration as suffering used to be my alter ego. I have taken huge steps towards a better life but not just for me but also for my wife & family.Mindfulness is a free tool not unlike the air that we breathe, the words to which we speak or the friends that we keep. Use this tool to redeem yourself as living life in the present moment is a gift that you can give without any feeling of loss.Thanks for reading
MAKING COMPARISONS
Why do we always look upon other people and assume they are doing better. Using others as a reference for our own instability is only a failure to address our own issues. Admittedly our own frailties lie much deeper and no meditation, reiki or reflexology can fix this. The more we train our brains to deal with the problems in hand, the more time we add to our lives. This may seem to be an idyllic view from my perspective but as I have lived with the burden of anxiety, I have first hand experience. The work does not stop with mindfulness or meditation. The journey has no distinct destination. Our lives may end before we reach a level of clarity but that level is not as subtle as a sledgehammer. We lie in bed thinking that we should have zigged when we could have zagged but there is no function to this thinking as what's important is the moves we make now. I have made so many mistakes in my life but learning from them has gave each mistake meaning. Stay strong and you will conquer.
BRAIN OR BULKHEAD
Those who have a car, understand when there is a problem as the dreaded engine management light illuminates. This sends us into a state of confusion & creates it's own stress triggers. Our bodies have a similar system of letting us know in the form of a sudden chest pain or a spell of dizziness. Whenever i have an issue with my car, i tend to use this metaphor as a way of figuring out where the problem lies in my vehicle. For instance, each moving part in a car is in fact a prototype of the human anatomy. For example, the Heart is the equivalent of the head gasket, the Lungs are the engine valves, the Stomach is the pistons & the Exhaust is the bladder. A diagnostic check of a car will tell you that that there is a misfire on piston 2 causing the engine to run lean of fuel. This then would help me understand that my digestive system is suffering due to a lack of carbs.
Above is one way of reversing negative situations into positive actions. When clarity is found in a person, this kind of thinking becomes a mandatory thought process. Negative people would react in a different way by saying....."Why is it always me?" or "i always get bad luck!" and so on. I have learned through pain & suffering to put aside my negativity & always look for a positive outcome. This may seem superficial as some misfortunes are grievances of death of a close one or diagnosis of cancer maybe. As my spiritual guru Monika said in the aftermath of my best friends passing in April 2008. "He died for a reason". I had no control over his death as it was over in Thailand but his death did trigger one positive move & that being for me to find my purpose, gain spiritual knowledge & make this place a more peaceful earth for us all to dwell & not just to exist. Finding wealth is not necessarily becoming rich, it also has non materialistic values in the form of peace, understanding & positivity. No matter where you live, whether it's a war torn country or one of famine please remember this.... (the matrix) "i can only show you the door, you're the one that has to walk through it!"
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS